


Hot Water

by Crazyhotsoup



Category: Red Dead Redemption (Video Games)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Anorexia, Asthma, Body Dysphoria, Body Image, Drug Abuse, Drug Addiction, Dysphoria, Eating Disorders, Gender Dysphoria, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Self-Destruction, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Showers, Spiraling, Trans Character, Trans Male Character, pure vent, vent - Freeform, vent fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-29
Updated: 2020-11-29
Packaged: 2021-03-09 18:41:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 615
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27770920
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Crazyhotsoup/pseuds/Crazyhotsoup
Summary: "Hard water was annoying to shower in. It caused his straight hair to develop an unreasonable amount of grip.He slid his hands through his hair and grimaced at the strands that came with them."Self-destructive talks in the shower
Kudos: 21





	Hot Water

**Author's Note:**

> **Major TW: Dysphoria, self harm, body image, eating disorders, drug abuse**
> 
> No references to his crotch
> 
> I think that's all of it, but this is just me venting again
> 
> Anyways............stream Space Girl by Frances Forever

Arthur had forgotten to turn off the light, so he stood under the hot water staring at the ceiling. 

He had purposefully turned the water to hot, hoping to aggravate the fresh cuts. Arthur had done it an hour before he got into the shower. At first, he had thought that they wouldn't even bleed, but he had been wrong. 

The shower's drain had been clogged by build up and the water around his ankles had been tinted a murky red. 

Arthur sloshed through the water and tried to go quickly. 

A stray scab on his arm softened and he scratched at it. 

Hard water was annoying to shower in. It caused his straight hair to develop an unreasonable amount of grip. 

He slid his hands through his hair and grimaced at the strands that came with them. 

Arthur had avoided his midsection long enough and ran the bar of soap down his chest. 

He didn't bother with a washcloth anymore. 

His soft stomach squished under his fingertips. 

He poked at himself again. 

He hadn't eaten much for the past few days but he had still gained weight.

The steam in the small shower made it hard to breathe. 

He ignored thick sensation of the air and scrubbed a soapy hand down his face. 

Arthur rinsed his face and leaned against the wall. 

He hadn't been sleeping well. He wished he could say he didn't know why, but DXM fucked with his sleep cycle like nothing else. At first he had supplemented it with coffee but after a couple times he realized that caffeine fucked with him too. 

His eyes were sore; Another side effect he had learned to attribute to the simple cold syrup. 

It had been to easy to fall into the habit. It was nice; A warm, floaty high. 

He placed the barsoap back into it's dish. 

Arthur dropped onto his ass, the water still pooled in the bottom of the tub. 

He folded himself forward and brought his knees up to his chest. 

The hot water from the showerhead burned his skin, as he continued to inhale the steam. 

He was fucking fed up. 

His stupid shitty body, his fucked up head, every goddamn thing. 

Arthur didn't cry. 

He never did. 

Instead, he punched himself in the face. 

His eye throbbed and he blinked a few times to clear his vision. 

He swallowed roughly and hung his head between his legs. 

Dutch could manage without him for one day, right? 

He knew it was pointless to even entertain that idea; Dutch relied too heavily on him. The man only had one mechanic after all, and what if one of the tractors crapped out on them? 

He sniffed and stretched out in the tub. 

The water sprayed him and the fabric shower curtain slowly turned a darker shade of brown. 

He scoffed at the curtain. 

Who made a shower curtain out of anything other than plastic? 

Arthur used his foot to turn up the heat. 

He hissed as the water hit his thighs. 

He was weak. 

He was stupid and weak and Dutch only wanted him around when he could fix up a truck. 

A loud series of bangs on the door echoed into the room. 

"Arthur. Get out of there. I need to shower too, you bitch." 

John. 

"Okay, fucker." 

He pushed himself up, toweled off and dressed as quickly as he could. 

John didn't know about him, so he never dressed anywhere that didn't have a lock. 

He unlocked the door and John glared at him. 

"Whatchu want, Johnny?" 

"You were in there for an hour, Arthur." 

"Sorry." John just scoffed and pushed past him, locking the door behind him.


End file.
